So there I was yesterday listening to John Key's farcical justifications for endorsing Australia's inhumane refugee policy (I hope you are all noting that SERCO who run our private prisons also run the Australian refugee detention camps - does Key have shares in SERCO?) thinking that there was more chance of me becoming the next leader of the National Party than boat people arriving in NZ.
Then I thought, actually, there is more chance of me being made the next Pope than boat people arriving in NZ.
So with that in mind and with the Pope resigning on the same day I announce that I am stepping down from Tumeke I thought that before I announce next Tuesday what I am launching for March 1st, I'd do a quick pitch for me becoming Pope.
If elected Pope Bomber, I shall promise the following...
-The selection process will be renamed 'Pope Idol' will use a lot of false Idols.
-Pope Bomber would allow condom use, women doing what they want and the immediate dissolution of Church doctrine.
-Pope Bomber would announce that Seven Sharp is really purgatory.
-Pope Bomber is totally down with Gay Marriage, cannabis reform & a financial transaction tax.
-Pope Bomber says back to sustainable fish on Fridays.
-Pope Bomber would allow abortions and all that gold melted down and given back to the 3rd world countries it was taken from.
-Pope Bomber would cast out Talent 2 and heal the teachers, (I was asked if Pope Bomber could heal Seven Sharp and I replied 'there are some things even God can't do').
-Pope Bomber would cast Richard Prosser into an ironic hell where he has to work as a flight attendant on Muslim airlines.
And finally, if elected Pope, Pope Bomber would change the papal easter hat...
...I'm thinking that it's going to require a lot of white smoke coming from many chimneys for me to get elected.